Friday, December 09, 2005

Ever get the feeling you're not wanted somewhere? Or feel you've outstayed your welcome? That's how I feel. So despite my tendency to embrace all and blather on and on as if it matters, maybe it's time to pull in the reins. It's time to remind myself that not everyone is interested in my opinions. Hence, I shall try to keep my more personal scribblings in this space for those who find them.

This blogging business is still an experiment for me. I've kept personal journals on and off for years and I've shared some reviews and writing on my website (which is woefully out of date), but this is the first time I've tried free-form, stream of consciousness journalling in such a public manner.

There is, of course, the problem of revealing too much and leaving myself open to scorn, dislike or indifference. Should I care? No. Why bother? Well, over the years I've discovered and met some of the most interesting, intriguing and, at times, puzzling people on the 'net. I've also discovered that the only way to get beyond the banalities, in-jokes and raunchy humour is to put the real me out there for all to see. Those who respond, will respond. Those who don't, won't.

I'm not saying it's the way for everyone. For some people, the internet is a way to try on different personas or to act out the more outrageous parts of their personalities in an arena where it won't come back and bite them in the ass (at least most of the time). I'm not one of these people. Maybe it has to do with age. I've done and seen all the games-playing I want to see or do in my lifetime. I know it's inevitable in our society, but I prefer to avoid it if possible.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ed says:

I for one would love to know about the real Ell. The part I've seen so far has me wanting to know more. Unless of course I'm one of the one's you've grown tired of...

I'll be checkin in to read what you have to say.

Happy Friday

ell said...

Hi Ed,
I'm not tired of anyone. On the contrary. I was thinking people have grown tired of me.

Most of who I am is in my rants and writing. Otherwise, it's difficult to describe myself without sounding trite. If forced, I would say I'm a liberal, ex-hippie, pacifist who is fiercely loyal to friends and family, sentimental to a fault, but who can be pragmatic when necessary and believes in love, kindess and respect for others.

I warned you - Trite with a capital T. Far better to read my other stuff. Stay tuned.

jane said...

i feel this way sometimes. i worry that i may come off too pollyanna and maybe go too far in the other direction to compensate. the other day i behaved in a way that still is making me cringe. instead of saying what i really thought about something i feel quite strongly about, i made a joke about it. it left a bad taste in my mouth.
oh i've gone off topic. anyway i understand the feeling you are describing.

Joy said...

Amen! I agree with you and know what you mean. I do censor myself to an extent because family members and students read my blog. Well, they are now ex-students which helps. I'm still myself, though, and applaud what you wrote.

donny said...

I've felt the way you've felt too, especially in our usual haunt. Could it be the reason you're not there so frequently now?

Your objectivity and maturity is needed, and appreciated. Those who don't comment on them aren't less inspired by what you say.

ds

ell said...

Hello Donny,
Glad you stopped by and left a comment. The reasons for being around the other place less frequently are many and varied. I've mentioned some of them - lack of time, burn out as a mod - but others, I think will remain private. I'm still around regularly to read the posts that interest me and post comments when the mood strikes.